I finally realized that I've never been weird. I just haven't fucked up my life with peer pressure and fearing I'd be ridiculed from society.
Yeah, I've been told by nearly everyone that I was weird. Even fucking teachers! Ok, I may act a little eccentric, but I'm not a weirdo. I don't have mental health problems that millions suffer from (god bless them). Yeah, I might have had depression twice but least I had a reason for it. I can't even imagine not knowing what causes you to feel so shitty and low with not an ounce of hope in the world feels like.
Looking back it's mostly because I wasn't into the same things as other people my age. And thank the lord I didn't try to fit in because for all I know, I could really have screwed up my life.
Here are a few examples:
I don't watch shitty programs on TV that are about gossip and stupid things that celebrities who don't even deserve to be famous just because they've been on TV for 5 seconds. I don't watch soaps which too easily influence ignorant people.
I like watching movies that are inspiring, make you feel good after a shitty day and, most importantly, that I like because I think they're great not because of someone who gets paid to watch them and scribbles down a complete lie.
They said the movie "Noah" was great and fantastic and I thought it was complete and utter shit!
I'm not atheist I just remember bible stories not being that dark.
Hell! I'm a Disney Child for crying out loud!
As for stuff on TV, I watch stuff that I'm actually interested in. I LOVE Once Upon a Time! I think it's genius and I love how everything fits together. I also love watching real life programs where real people, who have the guts to speak out, bless their hearts, and make me think if they can pull through shit then so can I.
Same goes for music. I listen to what I fucking like! I love rock and heavy metal!
I love McFly, Bryan Adams, Breaking Benjamin and Within Temptation.
Not some little twats who've won a talent show or got noticed by a fat cat business man and think they're the next Micheal Jackson.
I'm not prejudiced, I have actually listened to some songs and I thought "Who the fuck came up with this!?" I actually listen to the bands named above because their songs have meaning!
Yes, I do have a couple of favourites from other artists that I really like because I like them. I even like Tchaikovsky! I listen to Barry Manilow because his songs are so beautiful! If people can go on about how they love the Beatles, what's wrong with me, or anybody, liking stuff by Barry?
I spent most of my teens shying away from people about my favourite music because I was belittled for it. One girl even had the cheek to tell me I should listen to other people.
Also, I love reading! I love actual literature from books and read magazines about real people and cultures instead of trashy gossip about some gold-digger who got married to a billionaire or some bastard who thinks the world will serve him everything on a silver platter.
I love classics, fantasy and adventure! I don't give a damn who's the best selling author. I don't let other people chose for me. If I think the book is good then I'll buy/read/listen to it. I don't care who wrote or who thought of it, I'm capable of finding out for myself.
Let's not forget writing! Writing is my life! I WANT it to be my life and I came so close to giving it up and I automatically know that would have been the biggest mistake I could make.
When I was in year 6 my English teacher gave me a low mark on a story just because it was too long. My Godmother read it, (she's also an English teacher) and she said it was fantastic. And no, she wasn't being biased, she actually told me why she liked it and gave out examples of how I made it come to life.
When I stared writing again at 13/14 my mam was amazed at how incredibly mature it was. Although my teachers couldn't give a rat's arse because all they were concerned was that I was the one in the remedial classes where an hours work was drawing pictures and writing two lines.
If I never joined FanFiction or Deviantart, God knows where I would be! I got proper support of people who I never even met and did a better job than the so-called "professionals".
But with somethings I consider myself lucky.
I might not have had the best education. When I joined the group from the deepest pits of Hell, all I can think now how it only gave me experience and made me open my eyes.
I've never been in a relationship and personally, I don't really care if I die alone. I hardly think about getting married or having kids. Yes, I have been asked out but only by dickheads who've been in trouble with the law or have been excluded from school and it's a good job I had plenty of sense to tell them where to stick it.
On Facebook, I've seen lasses who have been old classmates of mine going on about how they wish their ex was dead and bitch on about how stupid they've been into being pressured into things they've regretted and how there are never any nice and/or decent lads around.
All I can think is how bloody wrong they are! I've heard some people say how girls are turned on by arseholes who smoke and/or drink themselves to an early grave.
You know what turns me on? Chivalry, a good sense of humour and someone who is just nice and understanding.
I was lucky I didn't have to be in a relationship to know if a lad was an arsehole because I was surrounded by them in my first year at the group.
And another thing when I was there, I wasn't just called weird. I was called a liar and a freak.
I'll be blunt. I'm middle-class. I may not act like it but I know how to act in certain situations.
My parents have very professional jobs which can involve serious things. My mam works in a university and she tells me things like what's gone on and what's happening. My dad is a solicitor and he does the same sometimes.
They've taken me and my brother to God knows how many places and given us the chance to experience different things like Spain and London.
But when I tried to be social and include myself in conversations. They all called me a liar and I made it up.
This knocked my confidence off the scale and it took me a long time to realize that I've done and been to places that they could only dream of!
I've spent too much time wondering why I should feel sorry for myself for something their parents couldn't give a flying fart over. I've experienced so many wonderful things that I should never take for granted.
I've stayed in private villas and 5 star hotels when they probably spent their holidays with their arses glued to the sofa.
I saw Daniel Radcliffe, my favourite actor, on stage for crying out loud!
Why didn't I realize that sooner!?
I've been mercilessly and wrongfully called weird almost all my life and I actually believed it!
I'm not weird. I just do what makes me happy and I don't give a fuck, a damn or a shit anymore.
If you think I'm a bitch or drama queen, I don't care. Keep your thoughts to yourself.
I'm one of the nicest people you will ever meet and I've got friends on here and at home to prove it.